I hate gossiping. But I catch myself doing it. A lot. The other day I decided I was going to stop. (Well sort of.) So I thought, “I won’t say anything bad about anyone for 24 hours.” I know it’s really pathetic to only set the goal for a day, but I had to start somewhere.
Enter the disgust and repulsion at myself for how many times I had to think about what I said that day. Because sadly enough, the opportunity for gossip presents itself constantly throughout the day. There’s the co-worker that never delivers on deadlines, or never works a full day. The VP or executive who won’t listen to other people’s side of the story and is brutal on deadlines so it’s easy to rant about him or her. Or the one friend we all follow on social media who overshares everything about his / her life. And you can’t really figure out why you don’t just unfollow them, but instead, you screenshot their post and ask your friends if they have seen the latest and proceed to talk about it. (Have we mentioned yet how I am a terrible person?) Roommates don’t do the dishes and won’t take out the trash, significant other is incapable of picking up after himself / herself, blah, blah, blah; the list drones on. Yes, I have been in these situations more times than I care to count.
Enter the disgust and repulsion at myself for how many times I had to think about what I said that day. Because sadly enough, the opportunity for gossip presents itself constantly throughout the day. There’s the co-worker that never delivers on deadlines, or never works a full day. The VP or executive who won’t listen to other people’s side of the story and is brutal on deadlines so it’s easy to rant about him or her. Or the one friend we all follow on social media who overshares everything about his / her life. And you can’t really figure out why you don’t just unfollow them, but instead, you screenshot their post and ask your friends if they have seen the latest and proceed to talk about it. (Have we mentioned yet how I am a terrible person?) Roommates don’t do the dishes and won’t take out the trash, significant other is incapable of picking up after himself / herself, blah, blah, blah; the list drones on. Yes, I have been in these situations more times than I care to count.
The most interesting thing about gossip is that it usually doesn’t hurt the other person. I mean if they find out we are saying those terrible things it’s pretty awful. But most of the time I am hurting myself, allowing negativity and pessimism to cloud what could be a good day. And even worse, I know that it’s hurtful and I know that I it’s ruining my day. So why do I continue? (Unfortunately I don’t have an earth shattering answer or deep insight in the paragraphs below.)
Lately, I think the real motivator for me to stop is this: I am passing judgment on someone who is likely dealing with issues I know nothing about. There’s a popular saying that says, “It we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.” I have had several experiences where I have talked negatively about someone, only to feel extreme remorse when I learned more about their story.
I don’t want more people who are rude or unkind (even if I don’t know about it) so I don’t know why I am adding myself to that equation. I know I won’t be prefect moving forward, but I like to think this expereince will cause me to think more about what I say before I say it.
I don’t want more people who are rude or unkind (even if I don’t know about it) so I don’t know why I am adding myself to that equation. I know I won’t be prefect moving forward, but I like to think this expereince will cause me to think more about what I say before I say it.
“Calling somebody else fat won't make you any skinnier. Calling someone stupid doesn't make you any smarter. And ruining Regina George's life definitely didn't make me any happier…” And sometimes, the movie Mean Girls has advice that is surprisingly relevant to real life improvement.
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